It’s quite true that one’s head can sometimes remain lodged in one’s own ass.  I will admit that I seemed to have been suffering from this “blockage” for quite some time.

But I am pleased to report that it appears my head has found its way back where it belongs, resting comfortably and solidly on my shoulders. There are lots of reasons for this….but I’ll boil it down to one simple explanation: I’m good. I’m learning to let go of the past. And I am feeling happy. Like really, truly, honestly happy. Not the kind of happy that you pretend to be because you don’t want your parents to worry that you might actually throw yourself in front of a bus, or do something stupid like shave your head and pierce your upper lip. I’m actually 100% content and happy…most days.

And when I realized I hit this milestone in my journey back to, well…me, I had one of those evangelical Sunday morning moments (and for me, that’s really saying something).

I heard a few days ago that my ex was living with his girlfriend.  And, when I found out guess what happened?  NOTHING.  Guess what I felt? NOTHING.  I mean….like nothing. Not even a twinge of anything. I stood there and thought “Huh.”  And that was that. Not a twinge of sadness, anger, anything. I honestly don’t care.  And when that realization hit me  I swear to Prada (Hey, you have your God, and I have mine). I looked up at the sky and proclaimed “Hallelujah….I am heeeaaaled.  Thank you Universe!”  And then I took myself for a 4 mile run. Oh yeah…word to YOUR mother!

And because the universe has this way of making sure you are really getting the message, I also had a really groovy parenting moment this morning. I drug my ass to Starbucks because I was out of coffee. And when one realizes one is out of coffee it’s always at the exact moment you need coffee. So, I didn’t mess around with the grocery store. This was an emergency. I needed a Venti-Super-Strong-Starbucks-Kick-My-Ass with a Shot of Espresso….STAT.

While waiting in the drive-thru I received my very first phone call from my daughter on her brand new iPhone.  I thought for sure she was calling to request a Frappuccino. But instead…she surprised me and asked a different question:  “Mommy, when you get back from Starbucks can we go for a run?”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?

So, let me get this straight.  I did the work to heal myself. I made it through all of that emotional trauma, and I didn’t screw up my daughter in the process? She actually wants to go on a run! Like voluntarily, without a bribe?  Holy shit!  Once again, “Praise be to Starbucks” (So, I have more than one God. Again, don’t judge).

I can’t remember the last time I felt this optimistic about my life. I did a lot of work to learn, to grow and to heal. And I will never stop doing so. Because the most important lesson I learned through this journey is that life is for living. And joy is a requirement for life. We all deserve it. Each and every day. I will never forget that. And I will never let my daughter forget it either.

So, as 2015 wraps up its final week, I look back on this year and see a year full of lessons. I no longer carry sadness or anger or confusion. Instead, I know who I am. And I know what I want out of this life.  And in 2016, I’m gonna get it!

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.” — T.S. Eliot.