There are two words in the English language that should never be put together: “Elective” and “Surgery.”

I saw a photo recently of a woman who had clearly received some significant plastic surgery. Her cheekbones were too high and too pronounced. They looked fake. Her lips were also a bit too poofy for her face, clearly not natural. And every single time I see a woman who has done this to herself I wonder: why did she do it?

I know there will be people reading this who think I’m being unfair, or too judgmental, or maybe even naïve. But I want to explain my strong stance against plastic surgery. It is this:

I want my daughter to love herself. I want her to know that she’s enough. I want her to look in the mirror and love every single thing about her, warts and all (she doesn’t have warts).  I want her to love herself enough to never think that she needs to augment her natural appearance to make herself happy.  I want her to be strong and to value things that really matter like honesty, integrity, knowledge.  Not things like having a “hot body.”

Plastic surgery seems like a slippery slope. To me, people who undergo elective surgery to enhance their appearance, well, it seems like they’re chasing something – youth, beauty, acceptance.  Why else would someone compromise their immune system by going under the knife during a Propofol-induced nap?

I know a woman who received breast augmentation. She is two cup sizes larger than she naturally was. And she was really happy with her new look for the first 6 months or so. But then, she started feeling insecure again. She wondered if they looked “too fake.”  She wondered if people judged her.  The surgery didn’t help her insecurities. And therein lies the basis for my argument against plastic surgery.

Why are we looking in the mirror and judging ourselves so harshly? Where is that inner voice coming from? What’s behind it? Why do we have the expectation that we must look young or “hot” all the time? And who exactly is defining “hot?”  What are we afraid of? Who are we trying to become, and who are we trying to please?

I don’t love my imperfections. But I am learning to live with them. I have accepted that working out must be a part of my life. A life without it leads to a soft and weak body and health issues. We need to work out. All of us. Period. I also get that we need some sense of nutrition in our daily lives. We can’t live on chicken wings and cupcakes…dammit! So, yeah, I’m striving to look “better”. But I’m doing it naturally without having a surgeon slice open my face to insert something called  “Gor-Tex” into my cheeks.

WTF?

I will never turn to plastic surgery as a solution for feeling better about the way I look. I just don’t think having a fake appearance is anything worth striving for. Our authentic selves are beautifully imperfect. And I wish our society would spend so much less time striving for some notion of physical perfection and instead, spend a ton of time learning how to love ourselves and each other as we are.

I know that sounds sooooooo preachy. And I even threw up a little when I wrote it. But, man…it’s true, right? To me, there is something really effed up about a culture that thinks its ok to spend thousands of dollars to enhance their physical “beauty”.  What else could those folks have done with that money? What experience could they have enjoyed? What trip could they have taken with their daughter or son? The average cost for breast augmentation is just under $4,000.  You could fly two people to Europe and spend a few days there for the same amount. A lovely bonding trip with your child or loved one, or fake cheekbones or breasts?  I guess the choice, like most things, comes down to your value system.

To each their own, I know.  And for those reading this who have chosen to receive elective surgery, I understand that was your choice. And I hope you can understand where I’m coming from. I look at my 12-year-old daughter knowing full well that she’ll soon be battling these tough obstacles: Peer pressure; societal pressure…all of those external messages manipulating her perceptions around beauty. And I want her to be strong enough to navigate those tricky waters without losing herself in the process. I want her to reject the plastic notion of beauty. I want her to live an authentic life. Because I have learned that it is simply not possible to be really happy when you are being fake.  When we look outside ourselves to feel better, to look better…we never achieve satisfaction. It’s just never enough. Because we’re chasing something that doesn’t exist. We’re chasing a mirage – an expectation that is unattainable.  So you start with one enhancement…. which leads to another…and maybe another….and then what?  One day you wake up looking like Joan Rivers and probably still stand in front of the mirror alone in the morning and hate what you see.

I do realize that victims of horrible tragedies, or sudden illness, may have experienced deformities. And that plastic surgery could provide dignity and enhance the quality of their life. Burn victims, breast cancer patients, accident victims, etc. For those individuals I get it.  A woman who lost her breasts to cancer has every right to consider breast augmentation surgery. A burn victim has every right to undergo plastic surgery to remove the scarring. A person who lost a limb in an accident deserves the right to a replacement.  That’s different.

I’m talking about the rest of us who wake up and look in the mirror and think “Man, if I could just have a little lift here, a little tuck there, maybe some bigger breasts….”  Instead of looking to go plastic, to be fake,  wouldn’t it be so freeing to instead love yourself as you are? Wouldn’t’ you feel stronger rejecting those inner voices and instead spending your money on a great life experience? Wouldn’t it feel amazing to just let go and say “I’m good. And if someone doesn’t like me the way I am, fuck ‘em.”

Live your best life…your most authentic life. We have so few trips around the sun. Let’s not waste them chasing some unattainable goal of beauty. Let’s instead experience as much as we can naturally, authentically, purely. Let’s love ourselves and each other fully, as we naturally are. Because I really believe that if we stop listening to those critics, and if we stop chasing this false sense of “beauty” we will finally find peace and genuine love. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors.

“Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than looking good.” – Alan Cohen